defy gravity!

last night i asked you to bring a date to go with the tickets i scored you. and you smiled silly, that one where your tongue hangs out and you wheeze a giggle. the one i can’t seem to do anything about, that same one that stuns me into silence every single freaking time.

you probably thought i was just testing you, so does your best friend. half of it is true, but the bigger half (because halves in a family of five are always unfairly divided) is because i just want to see you happy. someday you’ll love someone like this, and finally understand. my reasons, of course, are completely selfish…i want to make myself happy. and seeing you brighten up (even if you so seldom get wide-eyed), just makes my day.

i’ve been at the receiving end of people’s unconditional love for me for the longest time. like i tried to explain to you over a couple of beers the other night (indigo girls ringin in my ears), i was just like you when i was in school: champagne tastes with a beer budget. the ticket to the good life came in the form of very good friends who swept my decrepit self into a world i could only imagine
. my college life was lived without regret, and all of great memories. i want that for you. and i’m glad that you remain beer-taste, despite the champagne i dangle. and it’s time i went over to the other end and started giving back what i have had the pleasure of enjoying for so long.

my friends will be snickering when they read this. allow me a little bit of pupplylove, i never had that in my youth. i always felt and knew that i could not be loved the way i wanted because i was, well, different. decades after, i’m beginning to allow myself these little pleasures. if i stumble, there is a horde of you who love me ready to help me dust it off and try again (ah, aaliyah), so i am no longer frightened. i’m braver now. not fearless, but daring in a decidedly tentative way.

so what am i to do with that smile? and your laugh. you finally recorded it yourself when you used my phone to take a video of me. you are funny. i play it every time i think of you.

am i blabbering? flashing a mental image of that smile just wrecked my train of thought. damn.

i hope you bring a date.