defy gravity!

there was an entry that i erased between "china" and the entry called "date". i felt it bled too much of me and spoke of someone i had, what i thought then, an inexplicable bond with.

he came in the same mold as the others: incredibly charming, sweet (always goes out of his way to please the girls, ehrm, even in a non-sexual context), intelligent, goodlooking (ah, he had abs to die for that he tried to show me and what i can only call a funnyface, with apologies to Barbra), extremely talented (he had a horde of magic tricks literally up his sleeve, and even had the patience to teach me one involving rubber bands that i still am working on perfecting), and viciously funny (which just slays me). and, yes, the mark of the men in my life: what a playboy.

he was a welcome distraction, as i was avoiding a freefall with Mr. Original who was all the way back in Cebu and was, in fact, texting me all the time I was away. comparisons were made and present company proved to be the winner that short time; he always found himself at my side and had me in stitches the whole time.

when i got back there were a few correspondences via Yahoo Messenger between us, but since we did not exchange mobile numbers, there were no text or calls. once gave way to nil, and like his biggest magic trick yet…he vanished.

that bode well for Mr. O, who was steadily, constantly there. i came back and it was as if i was never gone.

now i cannot imagine a day without seeing him. what if daily makes way also to nil, what will i do then? for years i’ve dined on tables for one and watched movies alone. now someone (his best friend, our token leader) plans my day until it stretches into the wee hours of the next (we’re both passive personalities, you see). i find it very difficult to eat alone or find myself wandering by myself.

but i’ve resolved not to get ahead of myself this time. i will enjoy every moment of this, for as long as i can. the way i figure, i may never love and be loved like this again. pak! dirty ma? pasaylo-a ko, teeeheee.

this afternoon he spent his time downloading songs for me on limewire, that newfangled program that allows you to search for your favorite song on the net and transfer it into your computer (and later on to your portable mp3 player)…all for free. taking a cue from that, i borrow lines from some of my favorite tunes that he found again for me.

these are indeed the moments i thank God i’m alive, just sitting here watching him sitting there. he’s a few feet away and all i can do is stare. as i’m typing this, he comes back into the room, noiseless and oh so beautiful. if i could, i pause and tell myself, i would not stop kissing this guy. i would just sit next to him and breathe deep. i’d trace his face with my eyes, from the majestic forehead to the craggy, stubbly, jawline. i’d move a little bit up and stop at his lips, redplumpandsmooth. i’d plop one there (if i could), and move on to his nose. have him close his eyes and kiss him there too.

i could spend the night just listening to him snore-breathe-snore.

people can tell i’ve never been this way before. it took a while for me to accept that, just like anyone, i could let someone know about my love and not be afraid that they would find it despicable. this love is not despicable. it’s the same one you have in your heart, and just like yours…it wants to make itself known.

i’ll be brave enough soon to tell him exactly how i feel. you see, for the first time, i know that i will not lose him if i do so. although he already knows, this love needs to be spoken.

last night (technically, this morning at around 5), he said he hoped i knew that he treats me like the most beautiful girl in his life. i laughed it off to a drunken stupor. i’ll wait until he says that when he’s sober and i’ll start to believe.

but the truth be told, even if i deny it…yes, i felt beautiful that night. and every time i stand next to him. every single time he is near.

thank you for this gift. and then i’d watch him as he falls asleep and plop one on that chiseled cheek. if i could.

At an early dinner Jill, Cathy and myself became a bit misty and decided to do an Oprah. We are writing down in our individual blogs THE THINGS I KNOW FOR SURE. I’ll put in just five for now, with a lot of editing, and a light heart, here is my list:

1. Laughter over good looks. Well, if he has both, then all the merrier. I was attracted initially to him because he is absolutely gorgeous. But fell deeper and deeper (I’m close to the bottom and freefalling, with this silly grin, all the way) because he makes me laugh. Every single time.

2. Food is good. Period. A Sunday gourmet meal (escargot to deliciousy cheesy polenta) dinnertime at the Shang is just as good as a bowl of mango-soured larang at 5p.m. on a weekday in Pasil. There is no high and low in cuisine, everything is an experience. Let them gasp when they see me, I’ll pat my belly and ask them to pass the rice, please. Or the croissants.

3. The many kinds of kind. Some are kind because they want something from you, the type you wish you could sniff out but cannot. You will have to navigate this difficult path by heart. Others because someone else was kind to them before. Nothing more. Let the latter continue as a beautiful cycle.

4. Copycat. Someone else said it best, so I’ll just quote him or her on this one: "Just because he can’t love you the way you want doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you with all he’s got." Amen to that.

5. The love of my life. Defined as: someone you would take a bullet for. I never hesitated on this one. If a pistol were fired, and it called me to come in the way, I’d step in between for my brother Seth. I love him that much. This I know for sure.

p.s. No, he did not bring a date that last time. In fact, we ended up just hanging out over a long-necked Tanduay bottle until a heart broke. Good thing alcohol makes one a little bit deaf, no one heard the sound.